This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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