This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize