I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
