Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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