I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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