He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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