People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
