dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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