Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
