we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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