My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
