is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes