you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex