I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.