if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.