....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.