I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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