youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I could make wine with my vomit
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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