I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
