So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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