clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
