I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
