I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
