He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
