Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
