Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
