i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
