I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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