The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
