Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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