The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
