did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
