there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
