hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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