I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
