evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
