Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
