Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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