nutella sex= disaster
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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