"it" just moved
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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