What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Even my vagina gasped.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
