She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
