if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
