I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
