After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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