My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
