I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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