Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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