"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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