i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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