Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
