sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
