I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
