Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
