remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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