haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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