Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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