after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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