I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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