He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
