Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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