when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
