Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
