My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
