You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
