Whod you bang
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
