i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
