i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
