clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
